Sunday, April 5, 2009

Cavs Wipe Away Bad Streak With Teepee Defense

Approaching this weekend, the Cavs looked like there was some cause for concern. Their usually steely defense was missing, and their offense looked anemic at best. James couldn't spark his team with a million Zippos, and their 13-win flame got extinguished by some rejuvenated Wizards magic. Lookin' good Arenas.

And after a 29-point loss to a different Magic (this time, of the Orlando variety), analysts began to question whether or not the Cavs might face difficulties as the playoffs begin.

I'll be honest. The Cavs look pretty one-dimensional. Lock down perimeter shooting and limit James' offense like the Magic did, and you've got the Cavs spanked like Mrs. Vitale.

Today's game against the Spurs proved why that must be true. The Spurs weren't able to shut down James or any perimeter shooting from Mo "Money, Problems" Williams or Delonte "Kanye, Jerry, Jim" West. The Spurs are a great team, but let's face it, they're far from a real threat. They play like a team made of your dad's friends against you and your friends. They're old guys and they've figured the game out methodically, but they're slow and easy to manipulate. Pit the Cavs against another young team like the Magic, Pacers or Blazers, or even an expert team like the Lakers or Celtics, and watch the Cavs sink like 'NSYNC.

So yeah, they won a game at home. Congratulations, you blew out the Spurs. Yee haw. Now Dad and his friends can go back to San Antonio to sit on the porch for a little while longer and drink some Pabst Blue Ribbons and talk about their medals and their barbers. You may beat out the East--even haters gotta admit that this season is property of LeBron--but as soon as you face the Lakers, don't get too glum when you're out in five, chum. I'm a LeBron fan, but the Cavs don't have what it takes to win it all after the Eastern Conference Final.

LeBron's team has shaped up, but if he doesn't win this year, he's about to ship out. He's so obsessed with Kobe and trying to beat his idol in his own game, I wouldn't be surprised if he moved into a Western Conference team. Maybe the Spurs will relieve some salary cap and suck the youth outta him. Maybe Jerry Sloane will charm him with his Jazz. And yeah, maybe LeBron goes to New York to play at MSG like the showtime man he is.

Or maybe he'll revive the franchise of the man he's been chasing all season, and maybe he'll don the red and black of the Bulls.

That, or he could remain the Cleveland franchise man.


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