Eastern Conference and the Electric Mayhem

Hope everyone's had an eccentric Easter and a passé Passover! I know I have.

To celebrate the final day of the Masters, I watched basketball!

We're getting near the playoffs folks, and while No. 1 and No. 2 in the East are locked, loaded, and ready to play (so there was nothing tremendous on the line), LeBron didn't get the memo. I swear, I'm gonna fire my memo guy. I'm pretty sure no one's getting my hundreds of memos.

LeBron's well-defined Calves faced off against Paul "Simon" Pierce, Ray "Garfunkel" Allen, and Rajon "Cajon" Rondo in Cleveland. Both Boston and Cleveland had their respective winning streaks--congratulations, gentlemen--and they hoped to use this game to build some steam before diving headfirst into the long, twisty, dark waterslide known as the NBA Playoffs.

So while the game would seem like another great game between the two titans of the East, LeBron literally force-fed each of the Celtics until they puked. I know I almost did. The score after the first quarter was 31-9. Boston was so manhandled that Samuel Adams felt it, right before he rolled over in his grave, reached into his mini cooler and popped open another cold one. (Wouldn't it be weird if Samuel Adams drank Coors? I think imagining him still alive in his grave is probably weirder.)

Like I said in my last post: No Garnett + No Powe = No Eastern Playoffs Championship = No Awesome Christmas Party at Danny Ainge's House Next Year. The best thing about the Celtics is that Marbury--like I mentioned in a previous blog post--has stepped up like I told him to. At least one guy gets my memos. But that's the bottom line of that. Moving on!

Is anyone paying attention to Dwayne Wade? This guy is the Rodney Dangerfield of basketball. Lovable, but still gets no respect.

In an attempt to wrangle some respect, he put up 55 points on the Knicks. While the Quest hasn't been the greatest of teams this year, this was the same Knick team that just took out the Orlando Magic on their home court, so they ain't just whistlin' dixie.

Dwayne "The Rock" Wade had 55 points, 9 rebounds, 4 assists and a block, but you know what? He'd probably average a triple double like LeBron if he had anybody to pass to. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Wade won't win the MVP race over LeBron, but he better get second place among voters, cause DAMN.

While this isn't what I should be talking about, just one note about the Masters. Angel's win is great, but this is his second major he's won because the leader blew it. Again, don't get me wrong, props to Angel, but it's terrible that Perry blew it, especially since he had so many chances to redeem himself.

-Dave Smith, "The Jewish Jay-Z"

Celtics Need Luck Of The Irish In Playoffs

I'm a Celtic fan.

One summer at camp, I remember playing an ice breaker with our basketball counselor. Say your name, where you're from, and your favorite basketball player.

"My name's Matt, I'm from Dobbs Ferry, NY, and my favorite player's Michael Jordan."
"My name's Alex, I'm from Westchester, NY, and my favorite player's Michael Jordan."
"My name's Dave, I'm from West Hartford, CT, and my favorite player's Paul Pierce."
"Who?"
"He plays for the Celtics. He's really good."

I was a smart little squirt. No one knew Pierce's name, and those who knew it dismissed it until last year, when Garnett, Allen, Posey and Rondo helped the Celtics win a championship, and end a decade of Celtic despair.

One year later, the Celtics must share their dominance with the Magic and the Cavs, but they've had to face more challenges than these two other games.

Sure, the Magic lost Jameer Nelson, arguably one of the country's best point guards, but at least they didn't lose Howard, the heart and soul of the team. This is the very role player that the Celtics lost in Kevin Garnett.

For awhile, it looked like the Celtics would be okay. Earlier this year, they played one day when Garnett had a bad flu and spread 20-point buttah on the opposition's bread. But that was a short leave for Garnett.

Now, we finally get to see what happens to the Celtics over months without their power player. They struggle against teams they used to blow out. It's not Garnett's play; Garnett averaged about 15 and 8, which isn't that important. But it was his presence. His energy. That's what plugged the Celtics into the NBA Finals.

But lately, every game is a struggle. A gauntlet to get through to the playoffs when their franchise player will return. I gotta admit, it's not like the team has become less entertaining. It's always fun to see which of the Different 3 will step up. Ray Allen one night, Glen Davis' bandaid another night, Rajon Rondo tonight.

But can they win a 7-game series against these East teams that will push them around without inside presence from Garnett, or even Powe? It's a troubling question for a Celtics fan like me. They'll need to reach deep to get that Pot o' Gold at the end of this playoffs rainbow. While three have stepped up, they need that extra person. If they only got someone in free agency...

...OH WAIT. THEY DID.

Maybe it's time that Stephon Marbury stepped his game up, and proved why he was the big deal he was this past year.

And if Marbury fails in that department, we've always got our man Pierce.

-Dave "Ladykiller, but I'm no Tom Hanks" Smith

Boston And Orlando Play Musical Chairs

Last night, the Boston Celtics and Charlotte Bobcats looked like equals. While that doesn't bode well for Beantown, at least Charlotte looks like one of those teams that could fight for a playoff spot in the near future.

Either way, it made for a great game.

D.J. Augustin, the former Texas star, said that Boston muscles you and tries to intimidate you, but if you don't show fear, they'll flop like Shaq against Howard.

Well, it took 2 overtimes to decide the see-saw battle between Jordan's 'Cats and Doc's Irish, but in the end, the Bobcats were tamed by veteran Celts Paul Pierce and Ray Allen.

Boston's rivals in the Sunshine State couldn't keep away the Toronto Raptors. The Raptors, who definitely seemed like a playoff team in the preseason, slathered mustard all over that Magic sandwich. But before the Raptors could make it to Quizno's to really toast that sub, the Magic bared their teeth and defensive prowess in the second half. But in the end, it was Olympian Gold Medalist Chris Bosh that long-jumped and pole vaulted the Magic, draining long shots like a girl celebrating her 21st birthday.

In the end, Toronto prevailed over Orlando (and not just because of their healthcare), and Boston won out against that Charlotte team, bolstered by sorely-missed Suns players Raja Bell and Boris Diaw. This puts Boston one game ahead of Orlando, removing the deadlock that kept these two teams attached at the hip. If Boston can hold onto that 2-spot, they might put themselves in a greater position without Garnett. Whoever gets lucky No. 3 will likely have to face off against the NBA's scoring leader, Dwayne "Doris Day" Wade. Good Luck.

-Dave "Paul" Piersmith

Howard Works His Magic

I love the music they play at Orlando home games nowadays. Big, epic, sweeping music from John Williams: the catchiest themes, featuring Star Wars and Superman among others.

Howard brought his Superman tonight, getting a double-double in the first quarter, throwing down some emphatic jams against the defending champion Celtics, who continue to suffer from injury-related issues.

While Leon Powe couldn't bring powe-r to the Celts, and Garnett's minutes limited his ability to get hot, the Celtics turned on the hot mustard to bring the game within a point in the last thirty seconds. Paul Pierce tried his MVP-best, but his magic couldn't outdo the home team's. One of the final plays of the game sums this sucker up: Pierce weaves among Magic defenders, goes for a leaning shot, and gets blocked by Howard. It was this momentum swing that brought down the Big Green.

Howard finished his fantastic game with 24 points, 21 rebounds, and 4 blocks. He talked pre-game about how important this game was for his team, and he did not disappoint. He was on point the entire game, bringing energy to his team and his home crowd, especially with a sweet backwards alley-oop to finish out the half. Though he's out of the MVP race at this point between the King and his Wadeness, he's definitely be in talks for defensive MVP of the year, unless LeBron rains on that parade too.

Now, the Celtics and Magic are tied for second within the competitive Eastern Conference, and it looks like the second seed will come down to the wire like David Simon. No one can catch the calves of the Cavs, especially since no one has found an answer for LeBron and Mo "Nique" Williams, so second is the consolation prize.

Doc Rivers has said time and time again he'd rather have a seventh-seed with a healthy Garnett instead of the first-seed with an injured Garnett. I hope he's right. It looks like the Jameer Nelson-less Magic have got enough tricks up their sleeve to tie up the second spot.

Thoughts? Questions? Prayers? Bueller?

-Dave "Money" Maysmith