Eastern Conference and the Electric Mayhem

Hope everyone's had an eccentric Easter and a passé Passover! I know I have.

To celebrate the final day of the Masters, I watched basketball!

We're getting near the playoffs folks, and while No. 1 and No. 2 in the East are locked, loaded, and ready to play (so there was nothing tremendous on the line), LeBron didn't get the memo. I swear, I'm gonna fire my memo guy. I'm pretty sure no one's getting my hundreds of memos.

LeBron's well-defined Calves faced off against Paul "Simon" Pierce, Ray "Garfunkel" Allen, and Rajon "Cajon" Rondo in Cleveland. Both Boston and Cleveland had their respective winning streaks--congratulations, gentlemen--and they hoped to use this game to build some steam before diving headfirst into the long, twisty, dark waterslide known as the NBA Playoffs.

So while the game would seem like another great game between the two titans of the East, LeBron literally force-fed each of the Celtics until they puked. I know I almost did. The score after the first quarter was 31-9. Boston was so manhandled that Samuel Adams felt it, right before he rolled over in his grave, reached into his mini cooler and popped open another cold one. (Wouldn't it be weird if Samuel Adams drank Coors? I think imagining him still alive in his grave is probably weirder.)

Like I said in my last post: No Garnett + No Powe = No Eastern Playoffs Championship = No Awesome Christmas Party at Danny Ainge's House Next Year. The best thing about the Celtics is that Marbury--like I mentioned in a previous blog post--has stepped up like I told him to. At least one guy gets my memos. But that's the bottom line of that. Moving on!

Is anyone paying attention to Dwayne Wade? This guy is the Rodney Dangerfield of basketball. Lovable, but still gets no respect.

In an attempt to wrangle some respect, he put up 55 points on the Knicks. While the Quest hasn't been the greatest of teams this year, this was the same Knick team that just took out the Orlando Magic on their home court, so they ain't just whistlin' dixie.

Dwayne "The Rock" Wade had 55 points, 9 rebounds, 4 assists and a block, but you know what? He'd probably average a triple double like LeBron if he had anybody to pass to. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Wade won't win the MVP race over LeBron, but he better get second place among voters, cause DAMN.

While this isn't what I should be talking about, just one note about the Masters. Angel's win is great, but this is his second major he's won because the leader blew it. Again, don't get me wrong, props to Angel, but it's terrible that Perry blew it, especially since he had so many chances to redeem himself.

-Dave Smith, "The Jewish Jay-Z"

Cavs Wipe Away Bad Streak With Teepee Defense

Approaching this weekend, the Cavs looked like there was some cause for concern. Their usually steely defense was missing, and their offense looked anemic at best. James couldn't spark his team with a million Zippos, and their 13-win flame got extinguished by some rejuvenated Wizards magic. Lookin' good Arenas.

And after a 29-point loss to a different Magic (this time, of the Orlando variety), analysts began to question whether or not the Cavs might face difficulties as the playoffs begin.

I'll be honest. The Cavs look pretty one-dimensional. Lock down perimeter shooting and limit James' offense like the Magic did, and you've got the Cavs spanked like Mrs. Vitale.

Today's game against the Spurs proved why that must be true. The Spurs weren't able to shut down James or any perimeter shooting from Mo "Money, Problems" Williams or Delonte "Kanye, Jerry, Jim" West. The Spurs are a great team, but let's face it, they're far from a real threat. They play like a team made of your dad's friends against you and your friends. They're old guys and they've figured the game out methodically, but they're slow and easy to manipulate. Pit the Cavs against another young team like the Magic, Pacers or Blazers, or even an expert team like the Lakers or Celtics, and watch the Cavs sink like 'NSYNC.

So yeah, they won a game at home. Congratulations, you blew out the Spurs. Yee haw. Now Dad and his friends can go back to San Antonio to sit on the porch for a little while longer and drink some Pabst Blue Ribbons and talk about their medals and their barbers. You may beat out the East--even haters gotta admit that this season is property of LeBron--but as soon as you face the Lakers, don't get too glum when you're out in five, chum. I'm a LeBron fan, but the Cavs don't have what it takes to win it all after the Eastern Conference Final.

LeBron's team has shaped up, but if he doesn't win this year, he's about to ship out. He's so obsessed with Kobe and trying to beat his idol in his own game, I wouldn't be surprised if he moved into a Western Conference team. Maybe the Spurs will relieve some salary cap and suck the youth outta him. Maybe Jerry Sloane will charm him with his Jazz. And yeah, maybe LeBron goes to New York to play at MSG like the showtime man he is.

Or maybe he'll revive the franchise of the man he's been chasing all season, and maybe he'll don the red and black of the Bulls.

That, or he could remain the Cleveland franchise man.

Pffffft.

Howard Works His Magic

I love the music they play at Orlando home games nowadays. Big, epic, sweeping music from John Williams: the catchiest themes, featuring Star Wars and Superman among others.

Howard brought his Superman tonight, getting a double-double in the first quarter, throwing down some emphatic jams against the defending champion Celtics, who continue to suffer from injury-related issues.

While Leon Powe couldn't bring powe-r to the Celts, and Garnett's minutes limited his ability to get hot, the Celtics turned on the hot mustard to bring the game within a point in the last thirty seconds. Paul Pierce tried his MVP-best, but his magic couldn't outdo the home team's. One of the final plays of the game sums this sucker up: Pierce weaves among Magic defenders, goes for a leaning shot, and gets blocked by Howard. It was this momentum swing that brought down the Big Green.

Howard finished his fantastic game with 24 points, 21 rebounds, and 4 blocks. He talked pre-game about how important this game was for his team, and he did not disappoint. He was on point the entire game, bringing energy to his team and his home crowd, especially with a sweet backwards alley-oop to finish out the half. Though he's out of the MVP race at this point between the King and his Wadeness, he's definitely be in talks for defensive MVP of the year, unless LeBron rains on that parade too.

Now, the Celtics and Magic are tied for second within the competitive Eastern Conference, and it looks like the second seed will come down to the wire like David Simon. No one can catch the calves of the Cavs, especially since no one has found an answer for LeBron and Mo "Nique" Williams, so second is the consolation prize.

Doc Rivers has said time and time again he'd rather have a seventh-seed with a healthy Garnett instead of the first-seed with an injured Garnett. I hope he's right. It looks like the Jameer Nelson-less Magic have got enough tricks up their sleeve to tie up the second spot.

Thoughts? Questions? Prayers? Bueller?

-Dave "Money" Maysmith

The Wade-ing Game

It's only a matter of time until the season is over and the NBA's MVP is decided.

In the meantime, Dwayne Wade is going to go ahead and score a little bit.

Today, while his alma mater fell out of the NCAA race, the Marquette star brought it at the Pistons on their home court and sufficiently smacked them with some Wadeness. He dropped 39 points and 4 very notable blocks, including one special "gimme that!" block with the much taller Antonio "Shoot Some" McDyess.

The Heat were kept cool until D-Wade went into his Wade Bank and made a Wa-deposit all over the Pistons in the third quarter, dropping 14 Wadepoints (similar to Disney Dollars).

The Heat sneaked by in the end, and although they played a starless Pistons team (sans Iverson, Hamilton and Wallace), you cannot dispute Wade's great year.

While the game was a great Wade to see some Wade, it was the game's halftime clip that highlighted the man's Wadetivity.

The clip showed how a young boy, who had lost his hands and feet to a bacterial infection that nearly claimed the boy's life, was treated by a special Wade visit to his house. This visit took place the morning after Wade's emphatic 3 OT win against the Bulls, mind you. The smile on that kid's face when he saw your man Wade, and Wade's demeanor around the kid and his family, was too awesome. Could the man be any cooler? Maybe, if he were also a filmmaker. But that's the only way.

So sure, LeBron had a day against the Nets (just another 30 point, 11 rebound, and 8 assist day--boooooooring), but I'll take Wade any day of the week. I don't care much for the MVP race--LeBron will win it, unless something crazy happens and Chris Paul drops 60+ for the last games of the season--but I'm behind Wade all the way...de. I can't wait for the playoffs for him to do what he did in 2006. And WIN.

But until then, we play the Wade-ing game.

-Dave "317" Wadesmith