Suck Meter: April 29

Surprise! It's a last-second blog so I don't fail. Also, sadly, it is the last Suck Meter reading. So let's see who "won"!

After a hard-fought battle between the Nats and O's this year, the overall loser is... area fans! Congrats everybody, we did it again!

Nationals. After making a serious run at a winless season, the Nats have been on fire lately, going 3-7 in their last 10 games. Jordan Zimmermann is a pitcher who also has a pulse AND can get people out, which is either a late April Fool's joke or a sign of the impending apocalypse.

Bad Clubhouse Guy Adam Dunn has six homers and is OPSing over 1100. And don't look now but Ryan Zimmerman has had a pretty good start to the season too. Unfortunately, even with all this promise, the team is still 4-15. Just imagine what happens if these guys cool off. It's going to be a really long summer full of empty stadiums.

One major reason the Nats are so bad is the bullpen. The only guy who looked like he was going to be able to throw baseballs at major league hitting, Joe Beimel, is hurt. That leaves guys like Saul Rivera (who has given up an abysmal 11 earned runs in 9 2/3 innings), Joel Hanrahan (8 ER in 8 1/3) and Wilfredo Ledezma (6 ER in 5 2/3). Awful, awful, awful.

This is going to be a bad, bad year. We'll see you at Steven Strasburg.

Verdict: Ugh. 1.

Orioles. Now here's a team that sucks gloriously. Our "loser" for the I-95 Suckfest, the Orioles actually show some promise before blowing games in any number of heartbreaking fashions.

The Orioles certainly have a major league lineup this year. Adam Jones, Aubrey Huff, Brian Roberts and Nick Markakis have been tearing it up this year. Too bad there has been absolutely no pitching to speak of, or else this team would be cared about outside of Baltimore.

"Staff Ace" Jeremy Guthrie has a 5.20 ERA in his first 27 2/3 innings, and he's been the bright spot. So far in the young season, only three pitchers on staff have ERAs lower than Koji Uehara's 4.56. Three! That's unconscionable. And those three guys have pitched a combined 23.1 innings. Yikes.

This is going to be a bad, slightly-less-worse-than-the-Nationals year. See you at Matt Wieters.

Verdict: Barf. 1.

Overal Verdict: Since this is the last post, I've gotta call it for the Nationals. The O's gave a valiant effort to suck as hard, but they've been streaky. Washington fields a team that is consistent in how terrible it is, and for that reason, your 2009 I-95 Suckfest Champion is the Washington Nationals.

Suck Meter: April 19

Wow, what a difference five days make. The worldbeating Orioles are now the mediocre Orioles. Coming soon to a theater near you: The irrelevant Orioles! Thanks for playing, guys.


Today's Suck Meter provides a first: I can't go on keeping the 2009 Nationals out of the all-time baseball cellar. In fact, at this point, I'm starting to consider if they're an even worse baseball abomination than Major League III: Back to the Minors.

Nationals. The only words that can be used to describe the Nationals this year can't be used on a family-friendly blog. Flat-out, this team sucks. After another loss to the surprising Marlins today, the Nats are sitting on an abominable 1-10. One win. Ten losses. If you extrapolate that out to a 162-game season, that's 15 wins. And honestly, I can't see this team winning even another 14 games.

The only time the Nats have won this season was last Thursday against Philadelphia and I don't think this team is ever going to win again. There's absolutely no reason to think that if this team comes into a game in Major League Baseball that they're going to come out with a win, unless the entire other team gets injured or has to forefeit or something. This is a baseball disaster.

Coming into today, somehow, Christian Guzman was the NL leader in batting average, just proving that sometimes some things just don't make sense. This is inconsequential and is in no way relevant to how this baseball team could or should perform. But for what it's worth, the guy was hitting .515 coming into today. The fact that we have a guy who is getting more hits than outs and one win just goes to show how few wins we're going to have when he evens out.

Lastings Milledge remains in the minors, so for all of you who had him in your headcase outfielders pool, congratulations. Sorry to those of you who had Elijah Dukes.

There's not much more that I can say for this team. Steven Strasburg isn't going to help. Larry Bird isn't walking through that door. Harmon Killebrew isn't walking through that door. This franchise just needs some kind of massive overhaul or huge lucky strike of some kind.

Verdict: This team will challenge to be the worst ever. Scratch that. This is going to end up being the worst team ever. 0.

Baltimore Orioles. Unlike the team down the road, at least these guys have a...pulse. Or I mean like, more than one win. But the weekend series against Boston just goes to remind us of the difference between a successful franchise and a franchise that is going to struggle. Namely, this difference is pitching.

The Orioles just plain have no pitching. And if Guthrie goes through a bad stretch, these guys are really going to feel it. Guthrie not on his game + Koji being a guy who is exceedingly hittable + whichever three homeless people are dragged into the stadium to pitch on the other three days + another not-so-good outing from Guthrie and you're looking at huge potential losing skids.

But at least we've got a team at .500 for now, which, in contrast to the Nationals is like a world champion. And one pitcher's better than none. And on top of that, Sleepy Jones has become a bona fide fantasy baseball superstar.

The Orioles are going to be all downhill from there, make no mistake. But this is a franchise with the pieces in place, sort of. As soon as some of these guys come through the farm system, we're going to have a much better idea of where this team is going in the coming years.

Verdict: Blowing the 7-0 lead was ugly, getting swept by Boston was ugly and there are a lot more ugly things awaiting this team this season. But again... at least it's not the Nationals. 5.

Suck Meter: April 14

The year is young on the Beltway but there's some early hope out of Baltimore. And the Nationals are also a team.

Let's take a look at the Suck Meter.Nationals. My preseason underdog has really stepped it up in the first week of the season, going an unprecedented 0-7. With a combination of a nonexistent pitching staff, unfulfilled potential and just a downright lack of talent, the Nats might contend for the worst season in baseball history.

Only one team in the majors has given up more runs than the Nats' 54 (Cleveland, 55. And they have an offense. And they're still 1-6). This is bound to happen when you're airing commercials showcasing a guy getting delirious because of a worthless game where "ace" John Lannan struck out seven Mets last year. This is a franchise grasping at straws. Your current rotation: Lannan, Scott Olsen, Daniel Cabrera, Jordan Zimmermann and a JUGS machine built in 1964 that the Nats stole from a Florida trainers' room. Yuck. At least the ESPN Nationals site has a sense of humor, showcasing the team "Wins Leader" on the right side of the page. Here's a hint: it's a tie!

Here's some breaking, cutting-edge news for you, Blackistone. Hope-of-the-Franchise Lastings Milledge was sent down to the minors a few hours ago. So... so much for that. Is it possible to be eliminated from playoff contention in May? We're about to find out.

The talk is that the Nationals have to draft Steven Strasburg in June, but knowing them, they'll screw that up too. Besides, to say this team is going to use their pick to fill a need is basically a given. Everything on this team is a need. What a failure of a franchise and everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves. Verdict: Last time, I said, "Terrible, but not otherworldly terrible." This time? Otherworldly terrible. 1.

Orioles. This has been a team on a mission, and I've even started tricking myself into thinking that the Orioles might stay relevant all year. Of course, they won't, and they'll have another historically bad August where they go 1-24 or something like that, but for now it's been pretty nice.

The thing is, the Orioles have shown that they at least are smarter than the Mariners, and at best they have a competent offense. Seriously, as time moves on, that Bedard trade is looking smarter and smarter. Pac-Man Jones is your next big thing, and Goofy George Sherrill is locking down games like Mo Rivera. Which is wonderful, because Chris Ray has been an abomination so far.

But how about that offense? Aubrey Huff, Nick Markakis, Pac-Man and Brian Roberts. Those are four legitimate baseball humans. Sidenote on Roberts: I went to the game on Saturday and I was depressed that his at-bat music wasn't "Stanky Legg." I thought that was going to be a given.

But I digress. The lineup is for real, and once Wieters comes up we could see the best offense Baltimore has had in a decade. On top of that, it's been a hot start for the O's, who find themselves behind the Blue Jays somehow for second in the East at 5-2. As I'm typing this, they're in the eighth inning in Texas, tied at 3-3. Certainly not a bad start to the season.

Unfortunately, that offense is going to have to hold up, because we're not going to see too many 3-3 games with this team. Guthrie is a nice player and Uehara has shown that he at least understands how to use his arm to propel a baseball forward, but I can't say that much about anyone else currently on the major league roster. But you never know, maybe if they're hanging around mid-season, one of the big prospects (Tillman, Matusz, etc.) comes up and pitches okay, maybe there's someone out there on the waiver wire (Ben Sheets?), maybe this pitching staff gets patched together.

Oh, wait, Peter Angelos still owns this team. Crap.

But as for right now, this team is relevant. And that's more than I can say for the Nationals. Verdict: This is very close to the best we could possibly hope for as Orioles fans. 7.5.

Suck Meter: March 28

The season may yet be a week away, but the race to the number one draft pick in 2010 is already heating up between the Orioles and the Nationals. Let's take a look at where they rank on the Suck Meter: Nationals. The Nats have been resting on their laurels so far, confident that the roster they've fielded is so hideously awful that there's nothing the O's could do to compete. A glimmer of hope came in the form of this MLB.com headline: "Martis, Zimmerman round out rotation." Sadly, however, the Nationals have not decided to add their only good position player to the pitching rotation, instead it's just another guy named Zimmerman.

The Nats' rotation is going to be John Lannan, Scott Olsen, Daniel Cabrera, Shairon Martis and Jordan Zimmerman. A solid maneuver picking up the the Orioles' trash and plugging him into their No. 3 slot, but unfortunately Olsen actually has the potential to be a competent major league pitcher.

On the hitting side, the addition of Country Strong Adam Dunn to a terrible lineup means that there will be at least one legitimate baseball player in the field for DC. And despite the glaring flaws, everyone playing the field at least has tricked me into believing that they might be good at playing baseball one day.

The big news for the Nats lately has been the saga of Stephen Strasburg, the greatest baseball player who ever lived. The Nationals (naturally... nationally?) hold the first pick in the June draft but might not take Strasburg because he probably won't sign for less than a government bailout package. DC can't spend the money because... well, no reason really. They're just stingy.

Verdict: Terrible, but not otherworldly terrible. The Nationals rate as a 3.

Orioles. Now here's a team that is awfully good at being awful. The pitching rotation for the O's looks like the last few baseball cards you get in the pack. You know, after there's like a Barry Bonds and a 1985 Milwaukee Brewers commemorative card, there's five bums that you don't recognize. That's the essence of Uehara-Eaton-Penn-Hill. The "other" Japanese pitching import, two people I have literally nothing to say about, and a guy who has less control than Courtney Love at an all-you-can-smoke crack rock buffet. It's Jeremy Guthrie and pray for four days of rain.

But at least the Orioles have Hall of Famer Matt Wieters coming up to hit baseballs into stands and bring hope back to Baltimore.

Whoops.

In a move that surprised exactly no one, Wieters was reassigned to Triple-A Norfolk yesterday. Obviously it was due to his lack of a minor league pedigree (.355 batting average in the minors last year, minor league player of the year), bad spring (.333 batting average), and the fact that we've already got a guy.

Even though it's not unprecedented, it's still a shame to see a team putting the arbitration clock before the desire of the fans to see a baseball team that doesn't suck. For that, the Orioles are your early leaders for your I-95 Suckfest 2009 Championship.

Verdict: Overtly, disgustingly terrible. And I didn't even mention Cesar Izturis. 1.5.

The I-95 Suckfest 2009

Hi. I'm Rob Gindes and my focus on this blog is going to be the eternal battle between my two favorite baseball teams, the Washington Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles, to see who's worse at being a baseball franchise.

We're going to be keeping score with the handy Suck-Meter:

This will help keep track of the performance of both teams on a scale from zero (a baseball abomination as bad as Major League III: Back to the Minors) to 10 (The 1927 New York Yankees). At the end of the season, I'll figure out the winner and the loser.

Spoiler alert: the loser is area baseball fans.